As I sat there in the auto, on the long ride back home from
the mall, I couldn’t help but begin to ponder about how much I’ve changed. I
came to India 2 and a half years ago, filled with so much hope and enthusiasm
to come back to my country after several years! I wasn’t sure exactly what to
expect, but I knew a positive attitude would be the best way to go. Unfortunately,
the amount of stress I have undergone because of difficult circumstances and
people in this new environment, has been unimaginable. I complain a lot more, I
cry a lot, and I wish to get out of here as soon as possible. Yes, it’s true
that I over think and overanalyze the smallest things, but that’s just how I am
(though I’m trying to get better at that). But as I sat there in that auto in
deep introspection, I compelled myself to look at things from the same
perspective as I had, when I first came here.
I
began noticing the same things I once used to be amused by, such as the cobbler
fixing shoes on the sidewalks, the nonsensical signboards, or the expert way
the ‘autowala’ maneuvered through traffic. Witnessing these same, bizarre
spectacles can become uninteresting. I realized I had gotten sick of it. But,
still I made myself observe these same things I was bemused by once
upon a time.
The
simple way, in which two girls linked arms, and hurriedly skipped through the
traffic, caught my eye. There was so much commotion going on, yet these two
girls seemed to be in no stress whatsoever. A woman, dressed in a plain salwar
suit, abruptly brushed aside the sweat droplets on her forehead, and waved down
an auto. Vendors called out from stalls carrying the summer coolers: watermelon, sugarcane juice,
sweet lime juice, and coconut water. I smiled, remembering how excited I was when
I first landed in Chennai, in the blazing heat, to take a refreshing sip out of
a coconut. The
auto then made a sharp U-turn, hitting the always bustling streets of T-Nagar. I
braced myself for the chaotic activities, but found myself laughing, and strangely enjoying
the craziness I witnessed. A massive horde of people stumbled up the stairs of
Saravana Stores, carrying large shopping bags. Colorful rows of kurtis,
pajamas, and scarves lined the streets. Despite the madness, people still
seemed to be enjoying themselves laughing, chatting away with friends, holding
onto their loved ones, as they moved through the chaos.
I
laugh and smile now, nostalgic of how I felt when I first came to India.
Somehow, over the past two years, I have gotten a bit lost in this chaos.
Difficult situations, people, and negative experiences overall have got me
down. There are times where I have begun to have regrets of our decision of
coming back to India. I have felt like everything was wrong, and that I just do
not belong here at all.
Today,
I come to a realization that at the end of the day, I am an Indian, and I need
to accept the fact that this is my country. I need to do a 360 on the attitude,
and begin looking at things with a new perspective. There are two ways of going
about this: either I sit there and cry, or I pick myself back up and make
things right. Because, life is short, and there is no point looking back on
what has already happened. If it’s one thing this crazy country has taught me
is to go with the flow. Now that I am finishing up college, new adventures,
people, experiences await me. I invite them all with open arms, ready to take
on the challenges. I know there will be times that I’ll still feel low, but life
isn’t over. Sometimes, you just have to let that spontaneity in you burst out
and say, “Hey I live once. So let me just enjoy this crazy life!”
Also,
playing that ‘Happy’ song by Pharrell Williams, and watching those cute remakes
really gets me smiling. “Because I’m HAPPYYYYYYY….!” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IbTSG14LzM)
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