Okay, DISCLAIMER goes here, before people start bashing the
hell outta me... In no way am I trying to generalize or say this is how all men
are. This post is entirely based on my opinions and personal experience. And
I’m also not trying to put these guys under the bus either. It’s just a way for
me to let out how I feel.
Basic sentiment of life goes something like this: You can’t
always have what you want. I was not exactly raised this way. I was always told
my entire life that if I liked something or wanted something, I could by all
means chase it to obtain it. Whether it’s professionally or personally, this has
been the motto of my life. So what happens when a girl of 25, merely trying to
figure life out, and is in a disillusioned state of mind that life isn’t all
that hard, dates? Well, to say the least, a lot…
I was a shy, awkward, gawky high school kid, and even more so after
being submerged in a foreign culture. Figuring out high school was hard enough;
trying to fit into a sea full of perfectly sun-tanned, super hot Asian American
teenagers was ten times harder. With their bikini clad bodies and over the top
confidence, the girls in my high school were intimidating enough. So I never
gave dating a try, and frankly didn’t have much of an interest either.
The quintessential good girl image that I was so tired of
maintaining, mostly out of fear, grew restless in me. By the time I was 22 and
back home in my country, India, did I begin to date. What attracted me right
away? The bad boy. See, it’s the rebel inside of you that suddenly wakes up
when you decide to associate yourself with a so-called ‘rebel’ himself. You
feel tough and cool hanging around the guy who’s rough around the edges and has
the stereotypical I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-anything attitude. As if that
wasn’t a turn on in itself, these boys let me be fearless and free, something I
had never felt before.
But all of it is just a façade. See, these boys are
constantly trying to prove themselves to be manly enough for you. So their true
feelings are always bottled away in secrecy. They will charm you with their
sexy lopsided smiles and those deep dark brooding eyes, tempting you to give
yourself to him. But they will never ever real their true selves. In all honesty,
they want to escape reality, a reality about who they truly are inside.
There’s actually nothing confident or manly about bad boys.
They lure you in to get your attention only to feel better and happier about
themselves. Inside, they’re actually terrified to reveal their true selves.
Their only source of validation in life is to feel desired by you, because
they’ve lived their whole lives under fear and insecurity. I (not once, but all
three times) broke through this ‘bad boy’ façade and let them feel true
emotions for the first time. And they, out of fear, ran. To them, revealing
their emotions was disclosing their vulnerabilities. And no bad boy could ever
live up to this name if he did so. They can’t be honest with you, but what’s
worse, is that they can never be honest with themselves. To avoid being called
the weaker sex, they’ll close themselves up, run, and simply prepare for their
next target.
All I’ve learned is
1)
It’s true that a guy who can reveal his emotions
is a MAN.
2)
Being honest with yourself means being honest
with your emotions first.
3)
Lastly, just stay away from the bad boys.
Maybe, the fourth time’s the charm for me? Who knows? I’ll
keep you updated.
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