I Speak On ‘Women’

           I was just now watching a brilliant teen show about women empowerment. It’s called ‘Halla Bol’ on Bindass, and it’s a brand new one. It got me to thinking…the message that they’re trying to convey that women should stand up for themselves. They shouldn’t just tolerate, but actually speak out when a crime is committed against them. These messages spread like wildfire ever since the heinous Delhi gang rape case. We still see so many powerful female personalities fighting for women’s rights and equality each and every day. But here’s what’s going on in my mind. As much as women try to fight for their rights, I see so many women putting each other down, being catty, insulting each other, back biting, or just plain being mean. So you’re basically just a walking hypocrite if you think someone like you is fighting for women’s rights.

            ‘Mean girls…’ I honestly loved that movie! Not so much when it happens in my own life though. I don’t know what it is about women. They just to love to put each other down just to build their own self-esteem up a bit. Again, I’m not generalizing, but I will say for the very firs time I’ve experienced that cattiness within women. According to me, girls can be very sensitive and insecure of their possessions or skills, perhaps because society has molded them in that way. In Indian society especially where women are often seen as second to best, or inferior, girls are constantly fighting to prove themselves. Thus, when somebody else who’s seen as a threat comes along, girls do anything in their power to put that person down, whether it’s spreading rumors, mocking one another, or back biting!

            That brings me to the next point: gossip. Girls have a tendency to talk a LOT. It’s what we love doing in our past time. Not every girl of course! But especially those who have absolutely nothing to do on a daily basis. When their minds are blank (or jobless as it’s called in India), girls will dig for things to talk about to make their lives more interesting. I have never experienced this with any of my friends abroad, because we never had the time! Unfortunately, that’s not the case here, where girls literally sit around in circles and just talk about how ugly she looks, what a show off she is, or how she goes around with that guy. I mean, WHO CARES?! Live life for yourself. Stop digging into other people’s lives! I get it…my life is more interesting than yours to talk about it all the time but c’mon gimme a break!

            But enough of all this negativity. The point I’m’ trying to get at is women need to stop attacking each other, and instead have each other’s backs! We all go through the same problems, so why not stand up for each other for once?! I mean, all these Bollywood actresses endorse products or run campaigns promoting women’s rights, but there are so many insecurities they have against each other! You can notice the rifts between Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra whenever they talk about each other in ‘Koffee With Karan.’

            You can advertise and promote about women’s rights as much as you want, but it doesn’t make you any better than those criminals if you yourself can’t respect other women. Us girls need to stick together. We need to love and respect each other first. Smile. Give a random compliment. Hug each other. Show that you are with each other. Only then can we really gain justice in the struggle to women’s rights and empowerment.

I Speak On 'Friendship'

            So this is a topic that has lingered on my mind for quite some time. Through past and present experience, I have come to terms that yes the concept of friendship is vastly different in each and every person’s mind. Maybe (again) I read into things way too much, but these are observations I’ve made and I can’t help but pen it all down. So here’s my rant…

(Disclaimer): Again, these are purely my thoughts and opinions. In no way am I trying to preach or force my opinions onto you. Your choice if you wanna take it that way!

            The first point happens to be joking around and teasing. Yeah, I get that. Everyone wants to goof off with friends every now and then. But there’s always a limit, which people in my college never seem to get! I mean, I still remember when I first came to college, everyone thought it was hilarious that I wouldn’t share my drinking water, or anything else for that matter, with others. Then came the jokes of how weird I was to pop out my hand sanitizer to cleanse my hands (DUH). I used to get a bit offended and sometimes clueless as to how to respond, because at times it’s almost as if they’re putting you down rather than just joking. I’m not used to to being ganged up by everyone, and be taken as some hilarious joke. Now, I fire back at them (jokingly of course), because that seems to be the only way to handle it. I’m surprised they haven’t made fun of my accent as much.

            Second, misunderstandings through silence. Ok, I have never in the past had any arguments or problems with any of my friends, who were all mainly girls. Until I came here…Boy oh boy…. do girls like to gossip here!!! People tell me oh that’s normal…all girls are like that. I say NO WAY. I have lived abroad and never once did I face ANY kind of drama with my girlfriends. I think it may partially be because people goof around so much so that they forget how to handle serious situations sometimes. I’m straightforward and tell that person to their face. Unfortunately, people here would rather go behind my back and try to “solve” the problem with someone else. That’s how misunderstandings rise! I mean, just the other day I didn’t like something a friend did so I told her directly. Because I hadn’t just kept my mouth shut, the next day she started acting a bit strange. What starts as a day of silence turns into the eternal silent treatment. Like, WHAT?! If you got problems with me, TALK IT OUT. It’s that simple.

            The third point is honestly just dumb to me. I’m generally a very friendly person, and love interacting with all kinds of people. Then there are my so-called friends who get offended or insecure every time I start chatting up with someone other than them! I mean, it’s my life. I would like to talk to whoever I want, and whoever I’m comfortable with. Doesn’t mean you have to give me the ‘eye’ and start whispering every time I meet somebody! God, why is our college so dang cliquish?! I do not like to hang with just one group of people. In fact, everyone was so ‘uber’ friendly with me on my first few days of this college. The minute I started interacting with everyone, slowly all these people stopped talking to me. Now, they barely glance over or say hi. You don’t have to just limit yourself to certain people, you know. The whole fun in life (for me at least) is getting to meet all kinds of people SO DO THAT.

            My point is, friendship should not just be about temporarily hanging around with a person, goofing off, and then just forgetting all about them when it comes to the real stuff. Then, there’s the whole thing about letting your ego get the best of you, but that’s a whole another story. Will get to that another day. I have been and always will be a very good friend, unless you treat me like crap. It’s like what they say, you give respect, you get it. Friendship is all about that, but it’s also about understanding, honesty, and genuine love which creates that strong ever-lasting bond.

I Speak On 'Families'

So I got invited for lunch at a friend's house the other day. Her mom went to the extent of preparing a traditional Brahmin Tamil lunch served on banana leaves. To make things even more traditional, we ate on the floor. Was an interesting experience...

Anyway that's not what I want to blog about today. What I couldn't help but notice was her mom, brother, and the small details of her family, and compare them to the families I've been around in other parts of the world. Greeting us in her house with a warm smile, open arms, and a cotton sari tied in a messy manner, Roma's (name changed) mom welcomed us into her house. After finishing our lunches, her mom then joined us on the bed, cramped in with the 6 of us for a little girl gossip. She casually teased Roma, along with my other friends about various topics ranging from boys, marriage, dressing up and so much more.

Soon enough, Roma's brother, Varun (name changed) strolled in with basketball shorts and a jersey, tossing his bag aside. Making himself comfortable on the floor, Varun licked his glass of milk clean and then began practicing his basketball moves, until his mom yelled at him to get his books out.

I just sat there observing all these scenarios, drawing comparisons between Indian and Western families. It was very fascinating to see how Roma's mom was so easygoing and comfortable with her daughter's friends. When I used to live in Hawaii, and I visited my friend's home once, her parents were pretty much out of the scene. Although they ensured that I was very comfortable, personal space was very important for not only her daughter, but for herself too. Interactions with parents were even more distant when I lived in Indiana, the midwestern region of the US. My friend's mom would rarely interact with us. Just a hi and hello and very formal conversations to follow.

The strange thing is I felt slightly uncomfortable with all the closeness that I experienced at Roma's house, perhaps because I'm still not used to the different cultural norms having been brought up abroad. Being a collectivist society, Indians love to socialize and be a part of a bigger group. When it comes to families, one's aunts, uncles, moms, dads, are almost seen as your own. I felt the need to ask Roma's mom for help (as they normally do abroad), while my friends just made themselves comfortable and began eating! In the Western context, my friends would always keep a formal distance with my parents, by asking them if they needed help, thanking them repeatedly, and making conversation very now and then.

On top of that, the simplicity with which Roma's family functioned was interesting. They slept, ate, and sat on the floor so often! Containing not many decorative items, the living room just consisted of a few chairs and a TV. Spending time with each other seemed to be enough, clearly indicating that they were all very close to each other. Roma and her mom would exchange jokes very often in Tamil, as her mom brushed up close to her for comfort. So different from seeing kids abroad just lock themselves up in their rooms, only with their headphones and computers for company...

I guess there are still many things I have yet to adjust to. It's all about finding the perfect balance between my life abroad and my life back in India. Drawing differences between my life then and now really do help to broaden my mindset even more. It was a very unique comparative experience for me that day, aside from enjoying a delicious meal!

I Speak On 'Miscommunication'

           ARRRGHHHHHHHH!!!! The frustrations of not understanding Tamil!!!! Yes that is my daily battle living in Chennai. Not gonna say I don’t understand a word, but I cannot carry out full conversations, which further leads to utter confusion, misunderstandings, and more arguments. Yep, that’s basically what I’m gonna rant about today.

Again (DISCLAIMER): all opinions and expressions are my own. Not meant to hurt or offend any sentiments. Just need to let it out.

            I’m not sure exactly what it is about this particular state, but they seem to have this natural talent to harass young people/foreigners/anyone who doesn’t look like they’re from here. It’s like they look for outsiders to give a hard time to. It’s happened numerous times at bus stands, with auto ‘walas,’ shopkeepers, ladies compartment on trains, and most other locals. So I got on the bus today, slamming it on the sides to make it stop, as I was about to get on for about the fifth or sixth time now (alone). Feeling pretty confident this time, I looked around for the conductor and asked for my usual route to Perungulathur. Not knowing that this bus went straight to Koyambedu (my final destination), I got off at Perungulathur. I stood confused, as the bus kept waiting. I asked the driver and he gave me a vague nod saying yes it does go to Koyambedu.

            Relieved yet slightly bewildered at the strange behaviors, I climbed back up on the bus and took a seat. The conductor came over and started bothering me about getting another ticket, muttering away in Tamil. As usual, I tried to converse back in my broken Tamil as best as possible, when all of a sudden he started getting hyped up yelling at me to get off the bus. On top of that, customers started pouncing on me when I started arguing back. Long story short, I got really pissed off and told them to lay off, completely frazzled and disturbed by this scenario.

            I am not at all a fighter. If I feel something is wrong, I will speak up, but otherwise I avoid confrontations. But, coming to Chennai, fighting, trying to speak up, yelling, all for your own justice is like a daily routine!! I can’t stand it. And the worst part is, people here begin raising their volumes when they realize you can’t understand the language, which makes you want to fire back at them.

             I hear it all the time. ‘These immigrants are taking over our Tamil culture.’ ‘Look at the way they dress.’ ‘No respect for elders.’ Blah blah blah. Like, HELLO, I don’t need to learn from you. I have my parents to guide me. The accusations that I heard about me today, on that bus, are still ringing through my ears. I came home disturbed and wanting to get out of this place more than ever. I have been to other parts of India, and though I may not have lived there, I can get a much better vibe from the people, and the respect they have in the way they talk and treat you.

            The sooner the locals begin to treat college students, foreigners, or any outsider with respect, the sooner they will be treated back with respect. It’s a simple formula. I make every effort to learn and appreciate this language and culture that I’m immersed in. But it makes it so much harder when people behave this way!